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Pregnant Lady 101: How to Speak to a Pregnant Woman

 

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People are generally very kind to pregnant women.
Now even though that is a  true statement there are certain groups of people that mean well, but they just don’t understand. These people may be male, never have been pregnant, or have been pregnant so long ago that they forget, or they could just be rude assholes. Therefore, they may not be able to understand what a pregnant woman is going through. Makes sense, but this creates a lack of understanding of why their question may be annoying to a pregnant woman. Children are excluded from this list because they are still learning social skills.

So to help all these groups of individuals out

I have put together a list of

things NOT to say to a pregnant woman!

“CONGRATULATIONS!! WHEN ARE YOU DUE? or  Are you pregnant?”
   Unless someone tells you they are pregnant. Or you know ahead of time that they are DEFINITELY pregnant. AKA social media announcements, their sister told you already, or they are wearing a shirt that says BUN IN THE OVEN ect.
   Because yes, you may think you are being kind to a newly pregnant woman, but in all actuality you may be devestating a woman who had a baby 4 months ago.
  The entire 16 months post having baby #2, I have consistently been congratulated on being pregnant. Believe me, the conversation following me telling you that I am not currently pregnant is awkward as the day is long. My body is indeed quite a funny shape at this moment, i’ll give you that. Jacked muscular Mom arms, toned legs, yet a mid section that is squishy and whispers to me while getting dressed…”Let’s wear pants made of spandex material today..” If you know what I mean..
 I also had been pregnant for 2 years straight. So it’s fair that some people just got used to me alway being knocked up. Alas, when i’m eating ice cream alone in my bath tub later crying, that’s on you.
Moral of the story: Just keep your mouth shut until you actually know the person is pregnant. Leave people alone in the super market. Maybe try “Hey how are you doing today?” Much safer. Unless you enjoy deep awkwardness, well then, continue on I guess.
Wow! Are you sure you aren’t having twins?
No pregnant woman likes this. No one thinks it’s funny.
I love jokes, dirty jokes, bad puns, stand up comedy, you name it. Yet, I found no fun in people pointing out how large and in charge I was. I’ll give you an example from my brain.
I’m not proud of what my hormonal brain conjured up when people said this to me, but pregnant ladies be cray! It would go something like this..
 Casual acquaintances behind me in CVS line says,
“Wow! Are you sure you don’t have twins in there?”

What I wanted to say:

“Hey man, i’m trying to buy some stool softner at CVS pharmacy. I just barfed in the parking lot, into a grocery bag, while my other baby cried in the back seat. Then the plastic bag leaked and got on my shoe. I came in this store with puke shoe because I haven’t pooped in days and i’m in the process of rectifying this situation. So if you don’t mind, I really don’t need to be reminded how large I am. I know how large I am. I have to get a leg swinging start to get out of bed in the morning. Nobody needs to point this out to me. But ya, there is a 10 lb baby doing parkour on my bladder. I’ve gained 65 lbs. The kid I had a year ago was 10 lbs and NO I did not have a c section. I could possibly have PTSD from that crime scene. So you reminding me that I am about to have ANOTHER enormous man climb out of my downstairs is just unnecessary. Now buy my stool softener for me and this bag of Reese’s as punishment for hurting my feelings.”

What I did say:

“No just one.” Smile-nod. Bee line for the exit. Ben and I can’t be slowed down when we are on the path home to nap time.
“Any day now huh?”
Do not mentioned to a pregnant woman that she may be due any day now. Because she may not be due any day soon. Every woman’s pregnant body is very different. That’s just a fact. Short women with petite frames can look like they are farther along because that baby has less room in that little body. Thank goodness i’m a tall drink of water, I was like a 5 star baby hotel. No wonder Ben decided to stay in until 41 & 1/2 weeks.
If it was February and someone said to me, “Due any day now huh?” I’d say, “Yes any day in August.” I had this conversation often from February until August 21st.
“Did you guys plan on getting pregnant or was it a little oops?”
Planned, Unplanned, IVF, Drunken one night stand, Poor birth control planning..ect.
None of it is any of your business! If someone wants to share this with you, that’s great! But that should be theirs to share, not yours to ask.  Family planning can be a very emotional and trying time. You never know what is going on with any one else! Be kind. Then when they decide to share information, support the crap out of them!
It was interesting to hear many comments by people who didn’t mean any harm, but assumed my second son was a oops baby. Considering my first son was only 3 months old when the second was conceived.
But it’s 2016, I’m an adult,I know how birth control and reproduction works. Therefore, if I wasn’t taking the very easy steps to prevent this from occurring, then I suppose that was my decision.
In our case we rolled the dice and won though.
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Long story short….
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!
 Growing a human being is no joke. SO pregnant ladies don’t need your nonsense on top of that.
JUST REMEMBER that in the BLINK OF AN EYE This girl:
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 Became this girl:
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And her ankles look like this-
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So beware.
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6 Comments

  1. Sam

    This article was Awesome!!!! SO true! This being my first pregnancy, I personally never realized how many emotions comes along with it all. Its a reoccuring nightmare, some days,I look in the mirror and just cry because even I don’t recognize my own body anymore and the last thing i want to hear is other people’s judgements on it, or questions on the subject.

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