Potty Training War

Potty Training War

The Potty Training War

Childhood is not a race.

Mom’s these days are waaaaaay too into milestones. “Britt, my son is 1 and he only says 4 clear words. I’m worried. You work with special needs students what do you think? You think he’s delayed?”

Hmm.. I think you should put down the baby book you are reading obsessively and go talk to your baby.

Step #1 RELAX

Step #2 Learn about childhood psychological development. Then you will know that milestones are a time frame. No two pregnancies are alike. No two children are alike. The only rule is that there are no black and white rules. Stop comparing your kid to other kids! Look at your kid as an individual and think of what you can do to help them learn. Then keep encouraging them. If things are still not going well, seek out resources in your area. There are so many now.

Moms worry, I get it. I worry about irrational things ALL the time. It comes with the territory of loving those little squids so much.

I just feel like I see Mom’s putting a lot of pressure on their child’s development. When the truth of the matter is that some kids just need more time. My sister had a speech impedament when she was young. She swapped the letter C for T. My sister would often chase the “Titty tat” around the house. My family was less worried and more in love with this hilariously adorable creature.

Potty Training War

Bottom Left. She could have walked around calling everyone shit bag and people would have smiled back at her.

My parents took the advice of school. Had her get pulled out of class for speech help. She got the extra, individualized learning time that she needed. Eventually they set her back into the wild.

Today, that wouldn’t ever cross your mind. She’s one of the best talkers I know. Now that I think of it, it’s actually one of her strong suits. Believe me, you do not want her to yell at you.

Anyways, my point is. At some point your are going to deal with some crap with your kid. Just try to access the situation and help them work through it. Support them. That’s parenting. That’s why you are legally obligated to take care of them. They don’t know how to be a person yet.

So when the boys started to grow from babies to people, I obviously loved milestones of seeing them smile and saying Mama. All great, heart melting stuff.

They walked. I was excited. They strolled around my home like drunken sailors.

They talked. I was relieved. I finally didn’t have to speak to three creatures that didn’t talk back to me all day long. (The boys & bandit). Just me having full conversations all day long for the sake of speech development. Asking rhetorical questions like it’s going out of style. They spoke and I loved seeing their little minds work. I can’t even handle a lot of the thoughts that come  out of their irrational toddler mouths. It’s both infuriating and hilarious at the same time.

I have really great kids. I mean who’s 3 year old has silent protests instead of crying or yelling?


Well, I suppose our next mountain is potty training. 

The only problem is that no one is on board with me.

“Do not push them. It will only back fire. ” Says every potty training book and online article ever.

Okay. I’ll be patient. I’ll listen to my own advice. “Childhood is not a race…” 

Ugh. Shut up preachy past Britt.

Well now it is time. They can identify when they have to go. They can have a full conversation with me. They can put on their own pants. Ben can do a 40 piece puzzle. Com’on dude. Don’t you want to go to school some day? Well, you can’t crap in your pants there. Wait, actually, you can. But your classmates will remember it even when you are seniors in high school.

So we are attempting to introduce this civilized culture practice into our home. This is what has happened so far.

I’m at war with my kids.

Is that not a correct mom thing to say? Too bad. Best description I can think of while in the midst of battle.

Potty Training is here and it smells.

Criminal #1  The intelligent stubborn pajama lounging man:


  • NO interest.
  • Does great his little school, yet at home is perfectly happy sitting in his own filth.
  • Is fully capable, just making me practice my patience.
  • Will do everything right one day, then the next day is like.. “GIVE MEEEEEE A DIAAAAPERRR!!!!!” Or will just pee his pants and be like, “Uh, Mom. There is pee in my shoe.”
  • Politely declines using the bathroom. “Oh no thank you mama.”

Criminal #2 The hilarious mischievous ridiculous mastermind who does what he wants:


  • Thinks taking off his pants and peeing on things is hilarious.
  • Has twice, taken off all his clothes during nap time and taken a poop in his bed. Then laughs into the monitor.. “Mom, you gonna be sooo mad.”
  • Now sleeps in feetsy pajamas with the feet cut off and put on backwards. Therefore he can’t unzip the jammies and do unforgivable things to his stuffed animals. That was the best piece of Mom advice I had gotten in a long time. Nothing like a Mom friend with 3 boys to tell you how to straight jacket your kid with his own clothing.
  • Ridiculous human.

In the end, I’ll just keep cheering for my friends! Applauding them. Positive reenforce the shit out of them. Well, cause that’s my job. I am Mom.

Now excuse me, while I go pour myself a Crowne and gingerale and scrub the pee smell out of my living room.

Side Note: One afternoon when Jack pooped in his crib. I went up there to deal with this hazmat of a moment in my life. Bandit ran in the room before me. Turns out Jack had picked up the poop and thrown it. Bandit found the poop before me and ate it….. 

Bandit Burbank, forever unclean.


Not enough Yoga in the world can cleanse you from that memory etched into your brain.


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