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Ode to the NAP BATTLE

We did the playground.

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We painted and played.

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We read stories.

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I’ve earned nap time. I have mom-ed the shit out of you. I have swung you and loved you. But now I need to sit on my couch in silence for 10 minutes. I need to work out. I need to take a shower. I need to do whatever it is I WANT. Basically, you need to take a nap. I’ll be a better Mom and you will be a better kid if this occurs.

 

I mean com’on. You and the dog had to be separated. Oh and not because you were being mean to him, but you were licking each other and I had to shut that scene down.

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You were not happy with any answer to any question you ask.

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Get comfy. It’s time for a nap.

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But you both decide you don’t agree with my parenting decision. You decide to crap you pants, throw out your blankets, cry to the monitor, yell at your brother… whatever works.

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Then a war commences.

Everywhere WAR MOM knows that you will pull out all the stops to be victorious in this battle….

 

I will run you.

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I will drive you.

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I will swing you.

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I will hold you while I try and accomplish things.

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I know you are serious about your battle

 

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BUT, I will get in your goddamn bed if it means you will lay down.

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Sleep makes the world go round baby boy. There is a quick life lesson. So I will defeat you for your own benefit. Well and because i’d like to put my legs up on a wall, listen to Amy Schumer, and fill out my calendar.

 

I mean, I would take a bullet for you. So I say this with love, “Lay down and take a fucking nap.”

 

 

DISCAIMER: Not all of these sleep techniques guarantee victory for you. There have been times where I have jogged home as fast I could from the beach as they beat the crap out of each other. 

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2 Comments

  1. Haha, this is great!!!
    Definitely a battle at nap time here. I’ve been trying to get my 13-month-old to sleep in his crib for the past week or so. Separation anxiety is high though, and he’s TERRIFIED of the thing. So, for the last two days, I’ve nursed him to sleep IN the crib hahaha
    Hey, it works! Yesterday he slept for 2 straight hours without a peep! It. was. so. nice! x

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