Today I am on paid vacation from my job. Children still go to daycare.
You know what this means. Mom hall pass day.
I mean shouldn’t it be celebrated that some one is paying me right now and I don’t have to be there?It’s one of my favorite parts of being an adult. It’s like a magical unicorn flying across your calendar that is constantly filled with pediatrician appointments, report writing, cleaning barf, changing diapers, and listening to people at work talk about the weather.
I mean, my husband did go away for a week in November. So I believe marriage justification war would state that I can take the next two days to myself. Fair? Fair.
Today, I will ignore that it looks like we had a small rave here last night.
Today, I will flip the bird to a soul stealing endless amount of laundry I need to do.
Today, I will say I should take a nap! I will say I’m going to take a nap! Ultimately, I will not take a nap. It would be a waste of precious alone time.
Today, I will drop off my wedding rings to be cleaned at the jeweler. They have a decent amount of yogurt stuck in them. Thanks boys.
Today, I will go to yoga. At the end of class I will lay on the floor for as long as I damn well please. I won’t roll up my mat and bob and weave over dark lumps of content yogis. I won’t kick over someone’s water bottle, trying not to step on people because I am hurrying out. Hurrying out to put the kids to bed. Hurrying out to get to work. Hurrying out to feed everyone. Nope. No hurrying. Just laying.
Today, I will have a couple of cocktails with some women I love. Probably should put on a pad on in preparation for hanging out with people who make me laugh so hard. (No, I don’t have my period. 10 lb baby natural birth twice = you can do the math.) To quote the poet Adam Sandler, “If peeing your pants is cool, I’m Miles Davis!”
Dance a little.
Then get to second base with a stranger. I mean get a massage. Don’t worry I’m paying the person. That means it’s OK! Either way, my husband is on board. Cause he has the forethought to know how the night ends. Smart man.
Mother hood is a cool job. I like it. But Mom, we must remember that you are a person too. The martyr is played out. Don’t forget to take care of YOU. It may not happen as often as it used to. You are okay with that. But when the opportunity presents itself do not be…
“Dammit why didn’t I keep the house cleaner when the kids were toddlers. I shall regret it forever. “
Said no one ever.