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Instafriends

I’ve been thinking about writing this blog for about two weeks now. I’ve started it about three times. I tried my best to write it last night. I drank a glass of white wine with a little pomegranate juice splashed in it and fell sleep watching “Inside Amy Schumer” instead. Which ultimately,going to bed instead of staying up writing ended up being the wise choice. Considering my baby was having 3 AM teething riots last night. He was doing the baby equivalent of flipping over cars and setting fire to stuff. Good times! Well more like, just “times”.
So this blog topic procrastination is more like avoidance. Having to deal and process mixed emotions of being really happy for my friends that they are going on an adventure, yet really sad for me because they are leaving. Moving from Cape Cod to Alaska. “Don’t make this about yourself Britt.” says my older sister’s voice in my head. Okay fine. Happy. Happy. Happy. I can do happy.
I can do happy. Repeat that to myself. As you go along the road of life there are different friends you have along the way. You have childhood friends, teammates, college room mates, work friends, couples friends, mom friends, relafriends (copy rite Marchand family.), neighbor friends, yoga studio friends, friends you are not sure how you met, and the list goes on and on depending on what you do with yourself on a daily basis. But my FAVORITE type of friend is an instafriend.
An instafriend is a person you meet and it takes about 30 seconds to become friends. This type of friend most commonly occurs in your younger years because alcohol is obviously the ultimate wingman in friendship. One night, many moons ago, I was watching a girl fall down the stairs in hooker high heels at a keg party. Pause. Try not to laugh. Notice the girl next to you at the keg. You have never met her before. You both burst out laughing.  She was at your baby shower 10 years later. See, instafriends!

Now when this happens it is one of my favorite parts about humanity. When you just instantly connect with another human being. You meet them. Then they just become part of your life. Isn’t friendship wonderful? It really is.
So I met these humans…

They instantly become a support system for me. Showing up with coffee in the morning to save me from myself. Listening to long winded venting from me if I needed it. Following around my children at cook out’s or in the pool, when husband dear has to work and isn’t with us. Babysitting my kids when I’m stuck. Loving my kids. Loving me. I feel fortunate to have ever had friends that, we so quickly went from being complete strangers, to you changing my children’s diapers and kissing them when they are grouchy. For coming over and watching Frozen with us in a pillow fort when I don’t feel like leaving my house but I also don’t want to be alone with my kids. Ya I said it.

How lucky am I to have friends who got ME a going away present at their going away party. Haha. They just get me. But, seriously! Who does that? Oh and the present. Well I can’t even tell you. I have to show you.

Hahahaha.

Oh and don’t worry. The T-shirt came with something from Gandalf (wizards are awesome) and a note that was probably the nicest words anyone has ever said to me. Words that made me get up today and be like, damn I am awesome. I’m going to go do some good shit in this world today. Good friends who can build you up like that are priceless. Don’t worry, I came back down to Earth from my ego surge. By 10 AM I had gotten a plastic hammer to the face while someone else simultaneously pulled my hair and I was like ahhh.. screw this day.

As much as I kid, and as much as I’m sad, I am really excited for my friends. They are moving from good old Cape Cod to Kodiak, Alaska. They are taking a 5 week Summer road trip across the country to get there. Okay that does sounds pretty awesome. Of course, minus the times that they are going to want to strangle each other in the car. But that is normal road trip protocol. You leave the house dancing to, “Sweet Caroline.” You hit the 20 hour mark with the radio off and dead eyes on both of you. I mean, eh.. You guys will have fun the whole time! Haha.

So because they support me ALL the time. I figured I would support them by making them a handy reference list for fun road trip things to do! I call it, “Road trip ideas so that you don’t murder your spouse!”

ROAD TRIP IDEAS SO THAT YOU DON’T MURDER YOUR SPOUSE:

1. Okay we will start out easy. The following car games will have to be played:

  • Zitch dog will have to be on going. Oh How I Met Your Mother, How I love you.
  • The Letter game. Where you have to point out a word that start’s with all the letters of the alphabet. It’s a race to get to Z. Can’t use the same word that the other person used.
  • Finding the license plates for all 50 states.
Bottom line, Your going to need a score notebook handy.
2. Books on tape. Obviously, more like books on iTunes now. You both have large brains. If I were you, I’d even get some Rick Lavoie type stuff. Speakers. Then you could discuss after. Sounds funny. But it’s like audio book club. Learning is fun! Duh.
When you need a lift, you need to listen to stand up comedy on pandora. I listen to it while I clean my house. Louis C.K., Amy Schumer, Chad Daniels, Sarah Silverman are some of my favorites.
3. Questions to ask you significant other when you have nothing left to talk about:

Which animal would you be most afraid to be murdered by? 
It sounds like a messed up question. But it’s actually kinda interesting from a psychological stand point. Every one you ask has such different fears. It’s not necessarily the animal they pick. It’s the statement they make following their choice. I always choose boa constrictor. They wrap your body and crush your bones and then eat your head. That would be a terrible day. It makes me want to hold my breath until I die just thinking that they are lurking around out there. But I don’t have enough time to get into a snake rant right now.
Some people will say dog. Because the idea of something they love and seems tame to turn and hurt you would be so scary. Interesting right? That had never occurred to me! Gosh, danger everywhere. Thankgod we left the food chain.

You just won 1 million dollars to disperse to the 3 charities of your choosing. What do you give the money to?
There are so many important causes out there. So many great foundations and wonderful programs to support. What is important to someone usually stems from personal experience. Obviously my mind goes straight to a special needs programs, breast cancer, and the MDA. Special needs programs because people don’t belong in a box. Every learns differently and can find success if they are supported. Breast cancer because it has reaked havoc on my family and the MDA because I lost my cousin from it. Everyone will feel differently. But there is no wrong answer.

What is your lottery plan? How will you spend your 250 Mil without becoming a drug addict or bankrupt?
Have you seen that show, “The lottery ruined my life?” Most people who win large sums of money can not handle it and ultimately have a tragic ending. Crazy! Especially because that’s everyone’s pipe dream. Someone gives you a scratch ticket on your birthday. For the 30 seconds it takes you to scratch it your brain is like, “Ah, Com’on. Just 10 G’s. Not even the big money. Just something.” Then you get a quick mental flash of you and husband dear on a beach in Hawaii. Then you scratch the matching number. You are like, “yes this is it. 100,000 dollars for me. Husband can get a new boat. The boys can get a ballin’ swing set, and I can take the year off from work and do yoga teach training.”

And you won $20 bucks.
Continue life.

Put these things in order according to importance:
Fitness/Health
Sleep
Sex life
Clean house
Great Career

Know that when you guys procreate. You only get two of them. Choose wisely.

I know, it isn’t fair.

4. Sing and Dance a lot.
That’s the thing about music, once it hits you, you feel no pain.
You are right about that Bob.

5.  Make an Instagram account just for your trip. Before you leave next week, we will definitely have to have a coffee meeting and figure out what the clever name for it should be. Document everything you see. Giant trees. Mike Sleeping. Beautiful sunsets. Then share it with all your friends and family on there. Cause we all love you and are excited for your trip! If you see any giant animals and don’t share that with me, friendship over.

So in conclusion, have fun. Be safe.
Once you have wrestled a bear. Climbed 10 mountains. Caught a salmon bare handed. Drove a dog sled to the store more than once. Found a really really tall place in Alaska to take a video of yourself yelling “ahhhh… sombreta ya bada gillio mo!” Okay I have NO CLUE what the Lion King song is yelling in Circle of Life. But obviously, you know what I’m talking about. Well the point is, send me the video.
Once you have accomplished all those things, you can come home and we can all grow old together. You always have a home here at the barn, but you already knew that.

 

 

 

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