Growing up in the same house your entire childhood gives you a pretty decent sense of security. Whether you know it or not Therefore, to have it abruptly end when you are 18, your parental units tell each other to F themselves and we all go our separate ways. Oh we all knew it was coming. But those years were the years you were in high school, how inconvenient and emotionally scarring. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. Long story short, for a long time, I was a lost soul. Not an unhappy soul. Just lost.
Now as an adult I’ve realized that at some point in every one’s life everything goes to shit. All that matters is what rises out of the ashes. What you decide to rebuild. How you evolve as a human being. I’m not telling you these facts to make you feel bad for me. That’s not the point. Don’t worry about me, I’m sure I’ve had more fun in my life than you. No, I tell you because it’s important piece of the story.
Now with my 30th birthday on the horizon, I’ve gotten to see first hand that your life is actually a journey. Enough stuff has happened to me for me to understand that, I will be okay. I’ve watched my family fall apart. I watched endless amounts of people die. I’ve watched people in my family grieve in a very dark way. I’ve been tapped on the shoulder and sucker punched in the face. I have seen the pain of suicide. I have watched someone fight addiction first hand. I’ve had someone tell me they don’t love me anymore. I have felt the sensation of having no home. I’ve watched people I love head over seas to protect our freedom. I have made millions of mistakes. I have hurt people that I love.
Yet here I am.
It’s amazing what can happen the day you decide to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward. What can happen the day you decide to not carry those heavy burdens any more. You are not what happens to you. You and just you. The most important key you must remember is that EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING.
Stop believing what you see on social media. I LOVE social media. But I love it for what it is. I like seeing my old friends get married and be so happy! I love a good elephant getting a bath video. Sometimes I need to take a quiz on what part of the country I should actually live in. You know, real important things. Mostly, I like to use it to share pictures with my family. Most of them do not live near me! Staying in touch with them is important to me, and this makes it easy for me to share pictures of the boys with them.
My point is, I keep it light. When Ben spent 3 days at Children’s hospital up in Boston, I didn’t tag myself there and put up pictures of him in that sad hospital bed crib. No I did not. I was too busy crying in the Au Bon Pain, pretending to choose a bagel, like any Mother does. In my mind everyone who needed to know where we were, knew. I didn’t need my high school gym teacher to send me prayers. Now, please don’t be offended. If you share stuff like that, that’s totally cool. I’m just making a point that people need to stop reading so much into Facebook and Instagram. It’s a filtered life. And that’s okay.
Sometimes I can’t really believe that people get depressed because they think other people’s lives are so great via social media. “Ugh, What am I doing with my life? Amy Lynn ran a 10K last weekend and she has posted pictures of salads every day this week. Gosh, I need to be more like her!”
Well guess what. Amy Lynn also ate ice cream and cried in her tub last night and shit her pants at work last week. She just couldn’t manage to update you with that status because she was too busy hanging onto the towel rack for dear life.
All those quotes on Pinterest that I read while I drink coffee. (Yum, coffee.) They are cliche. But cliche for a reason. They are true. And most importantly, the pep talk feeling they give me validates some of the time I spend on Pinterest. ( I pin for my mental health, says the pinterest addict. Haha.)
Mic drop right?
You probably never will! You don’t know any one’s whole story.
So you focus on you. You spread love like wild fire to the ones you love. You support the ones who support you. You let yourself change and grow. You say things and do things now that sometimes you don’t even recognize yourself. Transitions are strange. It’s okay. All you can do is look around at your life and pick out the good. Look for the light in people and act as though that is all you see. The nicer you are to people, the better side of them you get.
Because who cares about the bad? When you figured out how to get so much good. Plus look at all the faces you got to love along the way. Even when the time were tough, there was always good.
Then after a lot of self awareness. Yoga. Actually asking for help. Al-anon. Awesome friends. Decent siblings. Better nutrition. More water, and then more water. Then more drinking water. Oh and then more yoga.
A funny thing happened….
And the story changed forever.
You like a good story?
Okay, okay. I’ll tell you a story.
Twist my arm.
It’s a tale of growing up.
Once upon a time,
A guy built a house with his brother. He is obviously Noah from the Notebook.
But then he fell in love with a fairy tale princess who curses like a sailor. Exactly his type.
So they went on a long journey to sell his house he built and buy a home of their very own. Excuse me, I mean castle. Castle of their very own. I was telling you a fairy tale, was I not? Well buying a house can seem like a long Quest at times. There were many many bumps in the road. People said things to me like, “Don’t worry, it will all work out in the end. You will find the right house for you guys.” The girl would snicker. Poo Poo your cliche comfort!!
Yet, that is exactly what happened. Haha. The process was long and I now know why all parents growing up could sign their name the exact same every time. All you have to do is buy a house and it’s like signature camp. I never had to stop in and sign my name so many times in my life. You know what’s not fun? Bringing a 10 month old into realtor offices all the time. Ben’s like whoo hoo! Welcome every body to this afternoon’s game of let’s see what I can break at the realtors office! He successfully ripped off her door stop during one visit. Don’t ask me how. I was too busy signing my name.
I would say to my sister on the phone, *Insert sarcastic tone* “Oh is this why people buy a house before they have kids? Well, what would be the fun in me taking every one’s advice? What’s the challenge in that?” Haha I jest. But seriously, it was a lot! At times, it sucked. Being pregnant, having an infant, and going to house showings all the time. Not exactly a groovy lifestyle. In the middle of walking around the yard of a house being shown to us, I’d just sit down on a stone wall. Husband would look back 10 minutes later when he realized I wasn’t behind him. I’d say, “Just leave me. Save yourself.”
Now hold onto your seat. Because this fairy tale does have a happy ending. After what felt like one million days and two million nights. We found a HOME. We bought a Barn that was renovated into a house. Mostly because, that’s awesome. Well and also because husband wanted a project house that we could renovate. He is super talented. So I’m game.
The girl in this tale was pregnant during all of this. It was also summertime. She packed up her whole house herself. Then tons of nice people moved all the boxes for her. The child was a terrible assistant.
They watched the seasons change in their new surroundings. Had an awesome time seeing the boys experience so many things for the first time!
They kept reminding themselves that they choose to live in New England. Or stop complaining and move somewhere warm. You have a lot of options. But this is now our home. So we embrace it.
They finally did it. They got married, had babies, and bought a house. Wow. Now let us all take a deep breath and enjoy the fact that our only job right now is to fill this barn up with memories.
So BECAUSE we have had a pretty AWESOME first year. Now, stop it home owner grumblers. I know houses are never ending maintenance. I know they will cost your a fortunate at the worst possible time. I get it. But if you physically can not stop complaining, maybe you should get a one bedroom condo? No one is making you own a three story house. Oh well, so anyways, we are focusing on the god damn memories. If you feel like being negative, beat it. If you are interested in making memories at your house, I’ll give you a few tips from our play book on how to make your house happy.
Haha. Oh com’on helicopter Mom’s. Don’t sneer at me.
It’s empty. I had just bought it. I am not taking a picture of my kid
practicing to be a dumpster diver.
HUG YOUR KIDS.