The 10 year profile picture aging challenge was the latest social media thing. In our culture we hate when women age. We are groomed to fight the aging process with all our might. It can even be hard to look back on pictures of dewey skin and lean bodies that we thought were fat and feel an array of emotions.
I think anytime to reflect on yourself and your journey is beneficial. Here is what I see. Thankful for the journey.
I see a girl who constantly looked in the mirror to see if she looked okay. A girl who played endless sports and exercised regularly and girls still instant messaged her and told her she was fat. She believed them.
I see a woman who has seen her body create miracles. That this tall, sturdy frame became a vehicle that could carry, grow, and labor two extremely healthy 10 lb babies vaginally, 13 months apart. This body didn’t need to be smaller, skinnier, or more dainty. Don’t mess with her.
I see a girl who let her whole social calendar be run by partying. Always worried about missing out. Carefree in a beautiful way that I wouldn’t change, but aimless in purpose.
I see a woman who has an extremely full life. Camp, Yoga studio, podcast, teaching kids yoga and general preschool sheningans fill me up. A woman who enjoys a cerveza in the summer on the beaches of Cape Cod just as much as the next person. Yet, when my body starts sending me signals that it needs a clean bill of health, that woman is smart enough to listen.
After getting my gallblader removed the week before Christmas, 2019 has been a health jamboree. Therefore, it’s to divorce cheese and take a break from alcohol.
I’ll miss you the most cheese.
I see a girl try to mimic what Cosmo magazine and all her friends were doing when it comes to hair.
I see a woman who stopped trying to do what others were doing and learned about herself. I stopped washing my hair. I stopped brushing my hair. I started soaking my scalp with leave in conditioner. All things that are a nightmare to the beautiful straight hair blonde girls I grew up with.
These days I just let it flow wild and stop trying to change this birds nest mop head of hair into something that it’s not.
I AM ENOUGH..
I see that girl is beautiful, but there is pain inside her. That girl had just gone to college in Rhode Island and when her parents dropped her off, they would be heading back home to get divorce, sell her childhood home, and possibly murder each other. They were having a barbeque at rock bottom and she was supposed to figure out who she was, play college basketball, and be away from home for the first time, while her entire home crumbled.
That girl pulled into the parking lot of college and when the mini van door opened, she put her feet on the parking lot pavement and threw up in between her legs.
I see a scared kid who is living on her own for the first time and has no idea what she is doing. Yet, too proud to reach out and ask for help and support.
I see a woman who has taken life and learned so many things. I see a woman who has collected an amazing support system along the way. I see a woman who feels comfortable asking for help. I see a woman who is aware that she knows nothing and can learn from everyone around her at all times.
I see a woman who is smart enough to know that she is enough. That your life doesn’t need to be defined by one messy chaotic period of time. Your life is today.
Ya, I like that woman. Her body is full of scars, but they all tell stories. Her face is full of laugh lines, but to be fair, there has been so much laughing.
Maybe the girl on the left is 50 lbs lighter, but the optimist in me is going to assume that’s 50 lbs of wisdom i’ve added to my body.
Ya that woman knows who she is and she’s stopped apologizing for it.
You should do that too.