Don’t be the Victim, Be the Hero

Crossroads: Though a literal definition of crossroads might be something like “the point where two roads meet,” it is more often used in a figurative way, to mean a situation that requires some important choice must be made.


Transition. Soul Search. Change. Self Discovery. Growth.

Un-tapping unlimited possibility.


I’m in the middle of a big life transition for me. I’m a creature of comfort and loyalty, so the boat must be shook sometimes to get me to understand that it’s time to grow.

Now if you want to grow, you have to seek out people smarter, bigger, and more experienced than you. I am who I surround myself with.

So that’s what I did. I sought out some of the smartest most authentic women I knew in hopes that I can find a way to learn from them.

It’s amazing that conversations can change the course of your life if you are talking to the right people.

Now the worst part about growth is, it hurts.

The truth hurts, but it will set you free.

Yesterday a woman I admire and have always been intrigued by, told me that at times I sounded like the victim.

Oh man. That word rolled around in my brain like a lottery number waiting for be drawn.

All night.

“but.. I was just trying to explain what happened…”

“but… no! I want to be the hero of my story…”

“wait! No. I’m not the victim. These are facts..”

“hmm I’m not the victim. But I had a lot of genuinely fucked up stuff happen to me.”

“my mother’s M.O. is to be the victim. It’s a really dangerous mindset. Ahhh.. So many feelings.”

“No I won’t be the victim.”

“She is right. I’m just so ready to shelf some stuff that happened a long time ago. So ready to let go. To grow and become someone new. To be my authentic self and let that spread like wildfire.”

“Your mindset will change your life.”

and so on and so forth…..

I did spend a lot of years being the victim my circumstance. Even worse, creating chaos around me to distract me from he chaos within.

Not understanding that life doesn’t happen TO you.. It happens FOR you.

If I am the victim of my circumstance, nothing is my fault.


Well that just won’t do.

Not anymore.

Time for action.

Here are 10 things I did this week to propel myself forward:



Put a serious effort into organizing communication between husband dear and I. Making sure we navigate life changes together. After all, he is my life partner.

Nobody with Small Children Should be Allowed to get Divorced

Plus it was our 5 year wedding anniversary. So all the kissing this week as well.


#9 Went to visit the ladies of Calmer Choice to ask about opportunities to be trained in mindfulness in the classroom.

I have always been intrigued and impressed by their work. They are definitely a good place to learn.

#8 Asked a Wizard who looks like a mermaid for some structured guidance.

She made all the hair on my entire body stand up.

You need people to mentor you. To coach you. Why does everyone think the only way to success is to do everything on their own?

#7 Went to coffee with someone I admire.

Camp Windgate Kirkland fills my heart up just by stepping on the property. There is something special about a place that creates so much good for our children.

I can’t wait to be a part of it. I really do need to be employed by somewhere I can sing to the trees and it be acceptable.

#6 Met with my yogi boss, Motherlee of Bikram Yoga Cape Cod. Made sure I was clear that I wanted to teach more. Learn more. Grow more.

The studio has become what the basketball court was for me as a teenager. A place to put everything else away. To become immersed in the game and let go of everything else for a little while. Therefore, my happy place. A reset button.

If the studio is my happy place, why not follow that feeling and be there more?

#5 Met with my favorite Sensei.

New England Yoga Academy is kicking off their teacher training and I want to be a part of it. To help. To learn. I’m excited.

#4 Made sure I got love from my soul mate. Who in fact, is not my husband.

One day in a moment of displaced frustration the husband said, “Why don’t you go marry Grace then!”

I said, “I would, but I don’t want to have sex with her. I was to have sex with you. So there lies the problem with that plan.”


#3 Leaned on Sister Wives. Thankful my friends let me vent until I tired myself out like a small puppy chasing her tail. Talking things out is how I process.


#2 Spent large amounts of time on the phone with my sister, Anastasia Beaverhousen. It’s the only time i’m thankful for technology. It allows us to both live our lives how we want to. Yet, still remain codependent in all the ways I love best. Even when we wake up and look at different oceans each morning.

#1 Got my kids all fired up for Halloween.

By far, my favorite holiday. A celebration of weirdness and letting your guard down. Giving people permission to be free for one night. Try something different. Basically giving people permission to have fun.


SO after a LOT of soul searching, I figured out the answer…


I need to have a Halloween party for the boys. Time to start teaching them how fun it is to free people from concern.

How to have fun.

Considering my full time job is to teach them how to enjoy and thrive in life.

Stay tuned.


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