Conversations with my Toddler

aka 2 year olds are jerks.


You think that’s not an appropriate  thing for me to say? Well.. let’s just go to the tape..

“Jack you are my best friend.” -Me

“No. Dad is my best friend.” -Jack

Throws his milk cup at the dog to show me he means business. To illustrate his distaste for me uttering such nonsense.

Walks past me in the living room, completely naked and pauses to say, “Mom, I lock you in a cage. You are in a cage with the bad guy.”

“Aw man. It’s going to be hard to get you a drink if I’m locked in this cage.” -Me

“Fine. You free.” -Jack, as he smiles at you and begins to pee on the rug.

At the dinner table..

“How about you sit down Jack?” -The Dad

“How about your don’t talk to me Dad.” -Jack

*Me pretending to blow my nose so I can laugh into my napkin.*

“Jack you are really bad. You should go to time out.” -Ben, 3

“You should mind your own business and let the parents do the parenting.” -Me

“He’s been bad 5 times today. Just saying. He will go to his room.” -Ben

Look over and Jack is singing a heavy metal version of row row row your boat and kicking all the snacks off the coffee table

that he is currently standing on, in his rain boots. Smiling.

He’s the happiest devil i’ve ever loved.


A while back me and my Dad were drinking coffee on my deck early one morning. Just chatting away about anything past, present, or future. My Dad told me that I had “an adult size personality in a child’s body.” I can’t help but laugh. That is the perfect description of our friend Mr. Jack Smudge.

Subscribe, Like, Follow!