Milestones that don’t make the Baby Book


Baby books are cute. Fun to look back on. Always on every baby registry. Yet I keep finding myself come across milestones that don’t have a page in that book. I figured I would add this sheet for you to fill out, incase you are missing out on all these milestones that don’t make the cut for your teddy bear covered book of memories.

I’ll even fill it out myself as an example!


First time my toddler assaulted me with toy that made me cry into my coffee cup….

Can’t remember because I have a concussion from getting whacked with Thomas the train.


First time I bare handed a poop..




First time I contemplated taking out life insurance on my husband and then murdering him because of a comment he made about my postpartum body…

Dark and sleep deprived night night of February.


First heart wrenching hospital experience…. 



First time I peed with someone sitting on my lap..

6/15/14, Good times.


The time you officially had cankles while waiting for baby to show up..



First time I shoved my husband to wake him up while the babies were crying and then pretended I was asleep when he woke….

No one can be sure what day it was.


First time you caught your toddler making out with the dog..



Amount of months I ate leftovers off my children’s high chair trays as a meal….



First time you realized your body will never be the same again...



Date I started lying to my children about not knowing where there annoying toy could be even though I threw it away…



Least favorite annoying child cartoon character that I’ve dreamt about punching….

Caillou, obviously


Amount of cups of coffee consumed in your child’s first year…

n/a, lost count after 2,897


First time you were at work and realized your child had somehow thrown up or soiled your shirt in some other way you didn’t notice while heading out the door….

Date not available but I’m sure it was a day I was speaking in front of others.


Longest amount of time you aimlessly drove around in your car to get your baby to sleep…



First time you peed your pants in public…

10/13/13, your welcome public world.


First time you actually admitted to a friend what person you had a ridiculous, awkward, sex dream about while pregnant…

11/14/14, aka first time you could have a margarita alone with a friend.


First giant bruise you got from running into something while trying to find medicine or bottles in the middle of the night…

Date not available due to the discovery of the bruise being a couple days later and being like.. WTF did I do? 


First time you completely lost your shit while nap battling your kid…



First time you realized social media romanticizes most holidays with children…




Having a baby is miraculous. Becoming a Mom is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. So when that babies learned to walk, I cheered for them. When they turned one year old, I celebrated the shit out of them. Yet, sometimes I don’t want to just remember the good. Sometimes I want to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s what makes our story real. It’s what makes me know that I can do anything and would do anything for them.





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