Are You My Last Baby? - You're Somebody's Mother

As I watch you sleep, questions from friends and strangers run through my mind…

“Are you going to have any more?”

“Oh Com’on, You’re going to have a 3rd right?”

“You’ve got to give Josh a little Princess!”

“You guys need a little girl.”

“You’re not done! Com’on”

“Will you guys have more kids?”

I tend to get these types of questions and statements quite often these days. Which does make me laugh because you do know I have a 2 year old and a 10 month old right? You do see me sweating EVERY DAY of the Summer as people grab onto me for dear life and give me all their body heat? Did you see how much crap I brought to the beach? Do you know how much money I spend on diapers and formula?

When this conversation comes up in my world, so many different dramatic statements are made by different couples. You would be likely to hear:
“Oh no way! My husband got that snipped!”
“Totally. We both come from big families.”
“Hey, we already on three! What’s another? Har har har.”
“Nope! Our family is complete.”
“Um, ya if my husband carries the next one.” (That’s actually my go-to response.)
“We will see!”
“Just trying to deal with what we got going on right now.”
“After ..
we move
After…
Maddie is potty trained
After…
Our dog finishes therapy.
(Haha okay. No one actually told me their dog was in therapy. I’m just poking fun at the fact that people think they can plan for the “perfect time” to have a second kid. But then again, why would you take advice from me? I was pregnant for two years straight and now my body looks like a bean bag chair. It’s a different shape every day! Hahaha. (I’ll have you know, I was pondering the perfect description for my sad sad postpartum body and I laughed out loud at bean bag chair.)

R.I.P Brittany’s Body, I’ll miss you most of all.

“Oh my gosh Brit! Stop!” Says my kind and well meaning friend. “Brit you JUST had two babies!”

Agreed. I will lose weight. It will be a long process. I will get there. So thank you friendly friends for listening to me complain during the interim. I love you all.

But as for “getting my pre-baby body back”? That’s not going to happen.

That girl is gone. I may have eaten her.

The fact of the matter is that when I answer any of these questions with “I don’t know.” That is the only truth I do know. I don’t have a perfect number of kids on my mind. If Benny and the Jets and Smudge dog millionaire are the only kids I have then I will have succeeded. I will be happy. And if a new cast member shows up later on? Well I’ll never say never. I mean we all know my impulsiveness knows no limits. But as for today, the goalie is in the net, if you know what I mean. Women’s health professionals, holler if you hear me. Haha (Hi Court.)

The subject is SHELVED. That is our agreement. Luckily we both don’t have a secret agenda. Or says us both during pillow talk. Believe me, 2015 is sponsored by the Mirena. We survived having two kids under two for ten months. Go us. So let us not make any more permanent decisions for a while. Let’s be okay with that. Let’s ENJOY the homies. Because, Let’s face it.. They are quite enjoyable.

So today this is the perfect family for us. I’ll just try and enjoy every moment.

Even when they are unenjoyable. Because worrying about what the future holds for us is a thief of our joy in the present! #deepshizz. Who knows what’s going to happen? I don’t!! And that’s okay!

“Awww com’on you have to

give Josh a little Princess….”

This comment deserves its own section. I hear this OFTEN.

Okay, having a little girl would be wonderful. I seriously didn’t really care which gender our kids were. But, umm.. as for every one who says things about Josh needing his little angel daddy’s girl. I got news for you. Maybe one day we will have a girl. Maybe she will love pink. Maybe she will only wear dresses. But uh, she may not…

Here’s the thing. My Dad, let’s call him “Mark” had three female children. They were awesome, they were fun, but I just don’t remember the descriptive term “princess” being thrown around?!

I’ll illustrate my point in photos, cause you know that’s my favorite way!

Here are some things that were not muttered during my childhood:

“Oh look there is Mark’s Princess!!!”

(3 year olds can suffer from resting bitch face)

“That princess of Mark’s is so quiet and polite. Shy, I think SHY is the word I was looking for.”

I mean you wonder why pagenet recruiters weren’t banging down our door. I know. Weird? right?

Eyebrow, singular.

Don’t worry, things got better.

(I broke my wrist in 7th grade from running backwards in our living

room as someone passed me the basketball and tripped over our cat. SNAP. The cast says ” I HEART BEN AFFLECK” incase you were wondering.)

There wasn’t much Ballet recitals for Mark to attend.

oh don’t you worry, there was dancing none the less…

Oh look there is the princess with her princess pals!

Hey did you see Mark’s princess get an offensive foul for lowering her shoulder and plowing over some broad while driving to the lane? Gosh she’s precious.

Did you see Mark’s princess-moblie he got for his daughter? Is it a Jetta like every hot teenage girl should own? Oh no, it’s a lifted jeep so she can park in illegal spaces cause she’s too young to care.

SERIOUS angels. Always acting like proper ladies.

So maybe I wasn’t Daddy’s little princess. I always ask him, “Dad, am I your favorite child?” and he will laugh and say, “No! But you are definitely my most interesting.” Then we both laugh. You see, my Dad was the first person who thought I was funny. He is the shaper of my identity. As all parents are. But he not only saw the good in all of us, he pushed us to be different. To try things. To mess up. Now because of that, as an adult, he is my friend. One of the best friends that I’ve got.

Hahaha. So in the end, Josh would have his work cut out for him. With my tom boy roots and Josh’s fishing diease, that little girl would be ripping bass out of the canal like you wouldn’t believe. The moral of the story is I feel like the term princess is a little strong. I wanted to be Michael Jordan when I grew up. Not Princess Diana. Be careful what you wish for husband dearest, remember, you did not know me as a teenager.

Oh and of course.. Let’s be serious. We would have another boy anyways. I am destined to be president of this frat house.

END NOTE:
Although my Dad is my # 1 listener. My confidant. My favorite person to banter with. He is also the campaign manager for only having 2 kids. Well that’s what I call him anyways. Cause he always likes to remind me that life can throw you a curve ball when you least expect it. Now my Dad ADORES all four of us equally and I truly believe that. But when you have a 3 and a 4 year old and your wife REALLY wants to have just one more baby and you say, oh okay… But then TWO show up. Well now you have your work cut out for you. Let’s just say, it creates a strong theme while you give out parental wisdom to your daughter.

(Car seats of the 90s. If the car gets into a crash does the baby

get sky rocketed out of the car and bounce to safety?!)

The best part is, although the campaign manager works hard to remind me of things like, “two kids, two hands.” “You’d move from man to man TO zone.” “Remember when you called me crying every day after you had Ben saying you couldn’t do this.” (Low blow Dad! Too Sooon!) He still knows deep down that it’s about a 50/50 toss up of whether I’ll listen to him or not. That’s the beauty of our relationship, he actually knows me.

I guess only time will tell… Stay tuned…

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