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32 Things I Know to be True on my 32nd Birthday.

I love TED talks. That is not a secret. Brene. Glennon. Shonda Rhimes. Anne Lamott. Tony Robbins. Mel Robbins. Simon Sinek. and on and on…

In the evening, my husband retires to the couch at night to watch movies where everyone dies or war documentaries that break my heart. Hard pass. Can’t always afford to pick up all the pieces of my empath heart bleeding all over the floor before bed.

So I retire to “my office.” Which is what I call the unfinished walk in closet in the part of our house that’s being renovated. I bring seven different types of drinks, my lap top, two notebooks, 54 pens, my heavy Anthropology quilt, and a snow hat.

Sometimes I write. Sometimes I watch TED talks. Lately, it was mostly work on the Elephant Journal course I took.

On the eve of my 32nd birthday I was stretching in my office and listening to Anne Lamott’s TED talk for the 3rd time. Just kidding, more like 30th time.

I always get nostalgic and reflective on my birthday, so Anne was hitting my core. She talks about the things she knows to be true.

I decided to make my own list of things I know to be true.

32 Things I know to be True on my 32nd Birthday:

 

  1. Drink warm water with lemon in the morning.

    This will kickstart your digestive system. Changing small habits will change your life.

     

    31.“You can’t buy, achieve, or date serenity and peace of mind.

This is the most horrible truth, but it’s an inside job.” -Anne Lamott

 

30. Don’t wear shoes all the time.

If we belong on planet Earth, why is it our lifelong goal to change our surrounding to the unnatural? Why do you think you are so happy and relaxed at the beach?

 

29. Children who need the most love, ask for it in the most unloving ways.

28. Therapy is the jam 

Why do we label going to talk to a counselor as some sort of taboo? That you must be crazy or you must be on the verge of a divorce. We underuse this great tool for processing and healing, because of the stigma we created around it.

Stop thinking it’s something for rich people. Your health insurance covers it, talk to your doctor. Mental health manifests into your physical health, your relationships, and can make or break your life.

Going to a counselor is something I avoided my entire life. It was like admitting defeat.

After my first son was born, I cried like my body was draining. Therefore, when my second son was born, I knew I wanted to set myself up for success. Why wait until things spiral out of control?

The transition into motherhood is enormous. I had a 13 month old and a newborn baby. My husband works 60 hours a week. I don’t live within two hours of my family. I’ve been known to be, ahem, emotionally festive. Why not take the time to sit down and hash this all out?

It’s amazing what happens when you just put your pride aside and turn to your friends and say, “I need help.” Then instead of judgment, I received immediate love and support. They came caroling like a team of sister wives. For 6 months I went every other Friday morning and they came and loved my kids for an hour. I’ll love them forever for that.

What will the yuppie mom’s in town say about me while they drown themselves in alcohol, denial, and shopping therapy?

Oh well. I don’t mind when people talk about me. It reminds me that I’m interesting and important. If someone was to judge me or make fun of me, then I would feel bad for them. Because they never took the time to get to know me or know why I make any of the decision that I do.

Because dealing with all this stress dumped on me in a productive way just put us on the path to the bomb.com Mom I am today.

I’m a Mom now. Now I do anything and everything to take care of myself so that I can be the best parent I can be. Those boys deserve the best version of me. I will never apologize or be embarrassed of that.

 

  1. Yoga will change your life.

“Fixing, saving, and trying to rescue is futile. Radical self care is quantum. It radiates out from you into the atmosphere, like a little fresh air. It’s a huge gift to the world.” -Anne Lamott

 

  1. Stop using the term “cure” when it comes to autism or ADHD, you sound unintelligent. 

This is a way someone’s brain is wired. No one is to be cured. Now if you’re raising money for education, research, services, or programs. Well then you just tell me where to sign up to help you.

ADHD is a super power if you teach people how to put their hyper focus into productive usage. But I can’t get into that now, that’s a whole blog in itself.

Just know that kids with cognitive disabilities don’t need to be fixed. They need to be encouraged to learn about themselves and their style of learning. They need to learn to be resilient and patient. They need strategies to navigate situations that we take for granted. Parents need to educate themselves in order to help their LD child become an awesome independent adult. Their path may may look different, but as soon as you stop trying to cure someone, you can help them embrace who they are.

 

24. Learning about the power of vulnerability is mind blowing.

Brene Brown TED talk. – Watch this. 20 minutes very well spent.

 

23. Bullying will never stop

Kids are always going to be mean to each other because they are developing psychologically. They haven’t learned the consequences of being an asshole. Some people need a hands on lesson.

This is why social/emotional development is equally as important as academic development. We need to improve our education systems and staff our schools appropriately. Making sure counselors are available easily to students who are working through the crap that comes with growing into a person.

We aren’t here to fix our children’s world. Make it bubble wrapped and full of only shiny rainbows. Our job is to support and guide them through it all, not shield them from it.  Therefore, teaching them to be resilient and independent.

Someone is going to call your kid fat.

It’s not your job to stop every Zack Morris looking mother f*cker from calling your kid fat. It’s your job to help your kid deal with it. How to handle their emotions. Because the world isn’t always going to be nice to your kid. When they are young, this is their chance to experience that with your guidance and support.

This includes if your kid is the perpetrator of the asshole behavior. Making them be accountable for their actions and do the right thing. Let there be consequences. Don’t try to get them out of it. Let them feel the fall out of what happens when you hurt someone.

This will be the difference of them making bad choices and learning from it, or them being enabled to act like an asshole for the rest of their lives.

 

22. Divorce can be the right decision.

Why does our culture promote divorce as failure? When connecting and continuing to nurture a relationship is one of the most difficult things.

I’m not promoting divorce. I hold the vow of marriage in the utmost respect. I always root for people to work it out.

I’m just saying, maybe we could not make everyone feel like they failed at life. People are living 100 years now. Shit happens.

As a spokesperson of children of divorce, Please don’t stay together “for the kids.” I lived in that house. It’s terrible. Kids are smart and perceptive. You are better off creating better environments for them in the long run. No matter how hard the journey there may be.

 

21. “If you are looking for proof that you don’t belong, you’ll always find it.” -Brene Brown

Everyone is so concerned with being left out. How are you supposed to be invited everywhere all the time? That’s ridiculous.

Invest in the people who invest in you. You will not be for everyone. That’s okay!

 

20. “Help is the sunny side of control.”

All my control freaks, holler if you hear me.

 

19.  

 

18. Two long slow deep breaths could change your life.

 

17.  Dance.

I like my body best when I don’t care how much space it’s taking up.

16. Lifelong learning.

Take a class. Do a 6 week challenge at the gym. Go to a museum. We are happy when we grow and learn new things. This shouldn’t end with childhood. If you “don’t have time for this” and are “too busy” please reacess your life.

 

15. 

 

14. Michelle Obama is going to win in 2020.

Wait! Before you unsubscribe or get all emotional about the current political climate, just wait. I’m not telling you my political views. I’m not telling you what to think. I just wanted to publicly state this so that I can enjoy being right. If you know me, you know I do really enjoy predicting things. Ah-hem.. I mean being right.

Well, if i’m being even more honest, she may be exactly what we need. A strong black woman, to tell everyone to get their shit together. Just saying..

 

  1.  Social media shouldn’t make you depressed. Learn to use it mindfully. 

    We are all educated enough to realize it’s not real life. PEOPLE MOSTLY ONLY SHARE THE GOOD AND THATS OKAY. They aren’t lying or sugar coating their life. If they don’t feel compelled to share that their child is in the hospital, I don’t see why that matters.  We should all know that everyone has their problems. No ones life is perfect. The same Mom who spent 900$ on Newborn photos, dropped her baby the other day off the changing table and never told anyone.  

 

12. 

 

 

  1. Do nice things and don’t tell anyone you did it.

    It’s fun when people don’t know where the kindness came from. My friend the Phoenix and I, always day dream about leaving massive amount of money to waitresses. But the key is to be gone before they see it. That way they can’t thank you, but they are inspired internally to pass on this grateful feeling they have. Chain of mother trucking kindness.

 

 

  1. Humor is essential. Laughter helps us breathe again.

 

  1. If i’m upset, you should put me in water.

People should swim more. It’s sensory heaven.

 

  1. Teamwork- No one achieves anything alone.

    As the former Leslie Knope of my previous job, I live by this. I am so much better when I surround myself with an awesome team that I can work with and lean on. You have to exploit other people’s strengths. Show them what they do well, then fuel it.

 

  1. Pain is a traveling professor.

It doesn’t leave until you learn something. So the longer you don’t admit it, the bigger the lesson.

 

 

  1. I believe in you.

  1. I believe in myself.

 

  1. There is enough sunlight for everyone.

    My success is not contingent on someone else’s failure. We can cheer for each other. We can support each other.

1.

“Everything single thing that happened to you is yours and you get to tell it. If people wanted you to write more warmly about them. They should have behaved better.  You are going feel like hell if you wake up someday and you never wrote the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart. Your stories, memories, visions, and songs. Your truth. Your version of things, in your own voice. That’s really all you have to offer us , and that’s also why you were born.” -Anne Lamott 

 

 

32 is the year that I finish writing my book. Here we go..

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